0 comments

Diamond Dealer

The Jerky Boys, album 2

Title: Diamond dealer

Characters: Operator

Summary:

“Diamond Dealer” features Frank Rizzo turning a professional jewelry call into a loud and chaotic prank. The conversation starts normally but quickly escalates. Miscommunication drives the humor forward at a fast pace. Frank’s bold delivery keeps the energy high throughout. It captures the raw, unscripted style that made the Jerky Boys famous. Fans enjoy the contrast between luxury and chaos. The call stands out for its nonstop escalation. A memorable piece of classic prank call comedy.

Transcript:

0:01 Phone rings…

0:03 Operator picks up and says, “Good afternoon.”

0:04 Voice 1: “Yeah, I got some stones here I want to get rid of.”

0:07 Operator: “What type of stones?”

0:08 Voice 1: “Kidney… What type of stones? What do you think? I got some rocks and diamonds. I wanna unload them. I waxed and fucked around last night. I want to get rid of these things. You got somebody over there to do business with me?”

0:20 Operator: “Sure. One moment”

0:21 Voice 1: “Alright, get him on the phone.”

0:24 Operator: “Sure. One moment.”

0:33 Voice 2: “May I help you?”

0:34 Voice 1: “Yeah, what’s up? You hung up on me. Something happened there.”

0:36 Voice 2: “Excuse me, sir?”

0:37 Voice 1: “Somebody hung up the phone on me. I was trying to get somebody over there.”

0:40 Voice 2:  “It’s…This is somebody else. How I can help you?”

0:43 Voice 1:  “Alright. Look. I’m trying to get somebody about some rocks I got to unload.”

0:46 Voice 2: “Okay, you don’t mind to speak up with all this.”

0:48 Voice 1: “No, see if you can get him over there for me on the phone, okay?

0:51 Voice 2:  “Excuse me, sir?”

0:52 Voice 1: “Thank you. Get him on the phone if you could.”

0:54 Voice 2: “Sir, I’m more than happy to help you.”

0:57 Voice 1: “Listen, I don’t have time to play with the phone ya. I’ve got lot of stuff I’ve gotta get done. Okay?”

1:00 Voice 2: “Sir, you don’t know how to speak with somebody.”

1:03 Voice 1: “Do me a favor.”

1:04 Voice 2: [Inaudible 1:04]

1:06 Voice 1: “Look, you’re illiterate in the first place, okay?”

1:07 Voice 2: “Excuse me?”

1:08 Voice 1: “You’re illiterate in the first place. Get me somebody I can talk to.”

1:11 Voice 2: “Sir, how I can help you?”

1:14 Voice 1: “No, no… How can I help you, sir? Thank you! Get me somebody on the phone I can talk to. I’m a very busy man,”

1:20 Voice 2: “I’m happy to help you over the phone right?”

1:21 Voice 1: “I’ve got a little job for you on the side. Get me one of your bosses.”

1:24 Voice 3: “Hello!”

1:25 Voice 1: “How you doing there fruity? Listen…”

1:26     Voice 3: “Yeah.”

1:27 Voice 1: “I got these stones I want to unload. I waxed and fucked around last night. I want to get rid of these stones. I can’t be playing with these things around.”

1:34 Voice 3: “Ah…”

1:35 Voice 1: “Alright. You do business with me or what?”

1:37 Voice 3: “Ah…?”

1:38 Voice 1: “We’ve got to do business. Talk cash. What’s the story here?”

1:40 Voice 3: “I don’t know.”

1:41 Voice 1: “You want to meet somewhere or what? You’re gonna get cute, funny, fresh with me? What’s the story?”

1:45 Voice 3: “I don’t know man. If you waxed somebody out for the stones I can do nothing.”’

1:49 Voice 1: “Hey, hey, this is America baby.”

1:51 Voice 3: “Sorry!”

1:52 Voice 1: “Survival of the fittest.”