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Sporting Goods

The Jerky Boys, album 2

Title: Sporting Goods

Characters: Frank Rizzo

Summary: 

“Sporting Goods” features Frank Rizzo turning a simple retail inquiry into a chaotic prank call. The conversation starts normally but quickly escalates. Miscommunication drives the humor forward. Frank’s bold personality dominates each exchange. The pacing remains fast and engaging. Fans enjoy its unpredictable direction. The call highlights strong character-driven comedy. A classic example of Jerky Boys humor.

Transcript:

0:01 Phone rings..

0:06 Voice 1: “Thank you for calling… [Inaudible 00:07] speaking.”

0:09 Voice 2: “Yes.  Do you have tennis ball machines there?”

0:14 Voice 1: “Uh, no.”

0:15 Voice 2: “Oh, you don’t.  Do you have any kind of bungee rope or something?”

0:19 Voice 1: “Bungee rope?”

0:20 Voice 2: “Right.”

0:21 Voice 3: “[Inaudible 00:21].”

0:23 Voice 1: “No, we don’t.”

0:24 Voice 2: “Do you have any cleats, like golf cleats?”

0:26 Voice 1: “Do we have golf cleats?  Yes, we do.”

0:31 Voice 2: “Okay, would it possible for me to come in there and have one of the gentlemen that works there put on a pair of golf cleats and like just kick me around the fuckin’ store and… and like step on me in front of the people there?”

0:45 Voice 1: “Could you say that again?  I didn’t hear you.  Hello.”

0:49 Voice 2: “Hello.”

0:50 Voice 1: “Yeah.  Would you say that again?  I didn’t hear you.

0:51 Voice 2: “Yes, I wanted to know if you have golf cleats there.”

0:54 Voice 1: “Yes, we do.”

0:55 Voice 2: “Okay.  Is it possible that I come in and try them on and see if they fit well?”

1:01 Voice 1: “[Inaudible 01:01]… No, say what you said in the beginning.”

1:04 Voice 2: “Yes.  I want to know if I… coz everywhere I go, they don’t seem to fit well and I just want to make sure I get a proper fit.”