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I’m A Diva – Jack Tors

The Jerky Boys, album 4

Title: I’m A Diva

Characters: Jack Tors

Summary: 

“Mining Scotty” features Frank Rizzo turning a simple interaction into a chaotic prank call. The conversation starts normally but quickly escalates. Aggressive delivery drives the humor forward. Miscommunication adds to the tension. Frank’s bold personality dominates every exchange. The pacing remains fast and intense. Fans enjoy its unpredictable energy. A classic example of high-impact Jerky Boys comedy.

Transcript:

0:01 Phone Rings

0:03 Jack Tors: “Hello?”

0:04 Female Voice: “I’m calling about the a Saturday night fever.”

0:07 Jack Tors: “Ow you’re shouting at me.”

0:09 Female Voice: “Oh I’m sorry it’s just that I have music very loud.”

0:12 Jack Tors: “Yeah well could you turn it down you silly ass.”

0:14 Female Voice: “Sure, sure hold on… Hello?”

0:20 Jack Tors: “Yeah we’re talking dancing right?”

0:22 Female Voice: “Huh?”

0:23 Jack Tors: “You’re going to dance your ass off I hope, cause we are casting like crazy.”

0:26 Female Voice: “Greaaat, great!”

0:28 Jack Tors: “Are you psyched?”

0:30 Female Voice: “Yes I am”

0:32 Jack Tors: “Watch me go, watch this”

0:33 *music and sound of dancing*

0:34 Jack Tors: “I’m fucking crazy, look at me. See me go.”

0:37 Female Voice: *laughs*

0:38 Jack Tors: “Holy shit, watch me go. Watch me spin, watch!”

0:41 *music and sound of things breaking*

0:44 Jack Tors: “Shit! Hold on a minute!”

0:45 Female Voice: “Okay!”

0:47 *music stops*

0:48 Jack Tors: “Ok you see me go?”

0:49 Female Voice: “Yeahh.”

0:51 Jack Tors: “Is that great or what?”

0:52 Female Voice: “That’s fantastic.”

0:53 Jack Tors: “Alright so what are you looking to do? You’re going to dance like me I hope.”

0:55 Female Voice: “Of course. I’m going to tear it up honey, I’m a diva.”

0:58 Jack Tors: “Well alright. That’s ah- I like to hear that. Listen first of all, we are casting for flat chested tap dancing freaks.”

1:05 Female Voice: “Ok, well I’m definitely not flat chested ha.”

1:08 Jack Tors: “Right.. Ok well umm… Listen to this.”

1:13 *bad tubba sounds*

1:21 Jack Tors: “You hear that?”

1:22 Female Voice: “Yeahh.”

1:23 Jack Tors: “You know what that is?”

1:24 Female Voice: “Nooo.”

1:25 Jack Tors: “That’s a fucking tubba.”

1:26 Female Voice: “Ohhh shit.”

1:28 Jack Tors: “So I’ll probably- I’ll be playing that in the movie myself.”

1:31 Female Voice: *laughs*

1:32 Jack Tors: “Listen, do me a favor, my friend is coming in tomorrow. Give me a call back tomorrow.”

1:35 Female Voice: “Ok, I didn’t even get your name!”

1:38 Jack Tors: “My name is Jack.”

1:39 Female Voice: “Jaaack.”

1:40 Jack Tors: “Jack Tors. Ok?”

1:42 Female Voice: “Ok, I’m Venus.”

1:43 Jack Tors: “Venus, what a sexy name. Call me tomorrow and we’ll discuss all kinds of shit.”

1:47 Female Voice: “Great.”

1:48 Jack Tors: “Ok, fucker?”

1:49 Female Voice: *laughs* “Alright.”

1:51 Jack Tors: “You’re sexy, you’re my kinda girl. See yah later Venus.”

1:54 Female Voice: “Bye, Bye.”