Sol’s Turnstile – Sol Rosenberg

The Jerky Boys, Album 4

Title: Sol’s Turnstile

Characters: Sol Rosenberg

Summary:

“Sol’s Turnstile” features Sol Rosenberg turning a simple issue into a long and detailed prank call. The conversation starts normally but becomes increasingly complex. Rambling storytelling drives the humor forward. Sol’s nervous tone defines the experience. The pacing builds slowly toward comedic payoff. Fans enjoy its realistic and relatable style. The call highlights subtle, character-driven humor. A classic example of Jerky Boys storytelling comedy.

Transcript:

0:01 Phone rings…

0:04 Voice 1: “Can I help you?”

0:05 Sol: “Hello?”

0:05 Voice 1: “Yes. Can I help you?”

0:06 Sol: “Yes. I need a turnstile.

0:09 [Music mix playing]

0:17 Sol: “Hello? Yes. Hello?”

0:21 [Music mix playing].

0:22 Voice 1: “OK. What kind?”

0:24 Sol: “What do you mean what kind?”

0:26 Voice 1:”Well, there is about 700 varieties.”

0:29 Sol: “Oh, my God. More money.

0:31 [Music mix playing].

0:36 Sol: “Hello? [Farts] Ow.”

0:41 Voice 1: “What’s the application? What are you using it for?”

0:43 Sol: “I’m going to use this out front by my house by the walkway.”

0:48 Voice 1: “You’re going to use it in front your house by the walkway?”

0:51 Sol:”Yes. [More money.] I just don’t want everybody filing in all at once. And this would make them go in single file.”

1:00 [Music mix playing]

1:10 Sol: “We have a lot of people coming in to view my mother. She seems to have [locked] off all of her legs with a hay sickle, [locked] off all of her legs so all the neighborhood people come to see. Too many people at one time.”

1:25 [Music mix playing]

1:36 Voice 1: “We have a portable turnstile. You’re lookin’ at a lot of money for something like that though. We have turnstiles. But, you know, are you prepared to spend $700 or $800 for a turnstile?”

1:47 Sol: “You can make that gate perhaps.”

1:49 [Music mix playing]

1:54 Sol: “It will pay for itself.”

1:55 [Music mix playing]

1:58 Sol: “[Locked] off all of her legs, I feel really awful. Then I can move it right by the bed beside my mother. So you can just walk around the bed and get into another turnstile.”

2:10 [Music mix playing]

2:21 Voice 1: “Right. Right.”

2:24 Sol farts.

2:25 Sol: “Ow. I feel a little awful. And my mother’s name is Gimpy. It’s not very nice. But what is she going to do about it?”