Gay Hard Hat

The Jerky Boys, album 1

Title: Gay Hard Hat

Characters: Jack Tors

Summary

“Gay Hard Hat” features Frank Rizzo turning a simple inquiry into a chaotic prank call. The conversation begins normally but quickly escalates. Miscommunication drives the humor throughout. Frank’s bold personality dominates each exchange. The pacing remains fast and engaging. Fans enjoy its unpredictable direction. The call highlights strong character-driven comedy. A classic example of Jerky Boys humor.

Transcript:

0:00 Phone rings..
0:01 Voice 1: “May I help you?”

0:02 Jack: “Yes, I’m calling about the helper job, construction helper.”

0:06 Voice 1: “Okay.”

0:07 Jack: “Yes.”

0:07 Voice 1: “Umm… your name please.”

0:09 Jack: “My name is Jack Tors.”

0:13 Voice 1: “Tors, okay. How many years experience do you have?”

0:18 Jack: “Several… I have several.”

0:22 Voice 1: “Alright. The position has been filled, but we’ll take in names and phone numbers in case.”

0:26 Jack: “Okay. Well, take mine because I’m good.”

0:28 Voice 1: “[Inaudible 00:28].’

0:28 Jack: “Well, what happened… you see, what happened to me… on the last site I worked on, these guys started to become very offensive toward me and throwing bricks and blocked down on top of me and I don’t go that way. You know what I’m sayin’?”

0:42 Voice 1: “Um-hmm. They started throwing things at you?”

0:43 Jack: “Yes because of certain reasons, you know, I used to wear little shorts on the job and whatnot and they would fire bricks and little pipes and bottles of beer at me and whatnot.”

0:52 Voice 1: “Yeah. Uh, alright. Let me have your phone number.”

0:55 Jack: “Do you know what I’m saying?”

0:56 Voice 1: “Yeah.”

0:56 Jack: “So you fit me in there and I swear it’ll go well.”

1:00 Voice 1: “Okay. You available right away?”

1:01 Jack: “Uh! Well, it depends on my schedule. On a busy day [Inaudible 01:04] well.”

1:05 Voice 1: “Right.”

1:05 Jack: “Now what’s this with the plastic? I see plastic. What do mean plastic:”

1:10 Voice 1: “Plaster.”

1:11 Jack: “Oh! Well, it says plastic here because I was good at that. I used to wrap my friends in plastic and beat them with a stick for a nightclub gig.”

1:18 Voice 1: ‘Uh-huh.”

1:19 Jack: “Oh, it was great.”

1:20 Voice 1: “Alright, your phone number?”

1:21 Jack: “Okay. It’s [Honk-honk] 2…”

1:23 Voice 1: “Uh-huh.”

1:23 Jack: “Seven eight three nine.”

1:25 Voice 1: “Okay. Thank you for calling.”

1:26 Jack: “Oh, okay. Bye.”

1:27 Voice 1: “Yeah, bye.”