The Flower Lady #3

The Jerky Tapes (Album 6)

Title: The Flower Lady #3

Characters: Johnny Brennan

Summary:

“Flower Lady 3” features an awkward and slow-building prank call led by Johnny Brennan. The conversation starts politely but becomes strange. Subtle requests create confusion. Awkward pauses add realism. The pacing builds gradually. The character remains calm throughout. Fans enjoy its understated humor. A classic example of Jerky Boys storytelling.

Transcript:

0:00 Phone rings..
0:04 Recording: “Hi, you’ve reached 789 [Inaudible 00:06].”

0:07 Tarbash: “Hello.”

0:08 Diane: “Yes, this is Diane [Inaudible 00:09]stein calling for Mr. Getzov please.”

0:15 Tarbash: “Hello. Is that better? Hello.”

0:17 Diane: “Yes.”

0:18 Tarbash: “Who is this? Hello.”

0:22 Diane: ‘I’m going to lose my patience. Diane [Inaudible 00:24]stein.”

0:25 Tarbash: “Oh, yes.”

0:26 Diane: “[Inaudible 00:25] Floral Design.”

0:26 Tarbash: “I… I… I spoke to you before.”

0:28 Diane: “Yes, I did. I spoke to you.”

0:30 Tarbash: “Yes. What can I do for you?”

0:32 Diane: “But… where’s Mr. Getzov?”

0:34 Tarbash: “No, he’s not here right now. He’s not…uh… I don’t believe he’s… he’s back yet. I am still finished working.”

0:41 Diane: “[Inaudible 00:41].”

0:43 Tarbash: “I’m still working on this…”

0:44 Diane: “[Inaudible 00:44].”

0:45 Tarbash: “Heh?”

0:46 Diane: “Okay, [Inaudible 00:46]… is Mr. Getzov going to be there at 2 o’clock?”

0:49 Tarbash: “I do not… listen, I am hired to fix something. I don’t know…”

0:54 Diane: “Is this the superintendent of the building?”

0:57 Tarbash: “No, I am 16 years being in this apartment.”

1:01 Diane: “Okay, you know when [Inaudible 01:02]…?”

1:02 Tarbash: “You are yelling at me. I don’t know why you’re yelling at me for?”

1:05 Diane: “…’cos I spoke to you before.”

1:06 Tarbash: “But why are you yelling at me?”

1:07 Diane: “…because I spoke to you before and you were very rude.”

1:09 Tarbash: “When was… I never spoke to you here?”

1:11 Diane: “You and your friend were very rude to me.”

1:14 Tarbash: “I’m never rude to you. I am working.”

1:17 Diane: “Stop yelling. You were very rude.”

1:19 Tarbash: “I was not rude to you.”

1:21 Diane: “Rude!”

1:22 Tarbash: “What do you mean rude?”

1:23 Diane: “Very rude!”

1:24 Tarbash: “I tell rude to nobody.”

1:26 Diane: “Put Jack on the phone.”

1:28 Tarbash: “You want to speak to Jack?”

1:29 Diane: “You Know what? I’m just going to [Inaudible 01:31]…”

1:31 Tarbash crying… “You want to speak to Jack? Hello?”

1:35 Diane: “Do you have that arrangement?”

1:37 Tarbash: “Do you want to speak to Jack?”

1:40 Diane: “Bring [Inaudible 01:40] because I’m just going to mess with you and I’m not going to keep with the phone calls all day.”

1:44 Tarbash: “Do you want to speak to Jack?”

1: 44 Diane: [Inaudible 01:44] with this one… with this one who doesn’t even speak English mind you.”

1:48 Tarbash: “What do you mean I don’t speak English?”

1:49 Diane: “You don’t speak English.”

1:50 Tarbash: “I know English better than you.”

1:52 Diane; “No, you don’t.”

1:53 Tarbash: “Yes, I do.”

1:53 Diane: “No, you don’t.”

1:54 Tarbash: “What does iconoclast mean?”

1:56 Diane: “I don’t know.”

1:57 Tarbash: “Then I know English better than you.”

1:58 Diane: “It’s not a word.”

2:00 Tarbash: “It is too a word.”

2:00 Diane: “You’re just joking. It’s not a word.”

2:02 Tarbash: “It’s iconoclast. It means breaker of idols, icons.”

2:07 Diane: “Excuse me!”

2:08 Tarbash: “That’s what it means.”

2:09 Diane: “This is not the classroom. I don’t care what a word means or what a word does.”

2:13 Tarbash “Arrrggghhh! Ohh! You bringing horrible memories of when I’m in school.”

2:18 Diane: “I am sending off the floral arrangement.”

2:20 Tarbash: “The teacher used to whip me.”

2:22 Diane: “Give me the [Inaudible 02:23] and I’ll switch it over…”

2:23 Tarbash: “Arrrggghhh… ohh!”

2:24 Diane: “…because even if he doesn’t like it, I don’t care. I don’t care! I don’t care if the money is wasted at this point. Give me the address. I’m going to have it messengered.”

2:31 Tarbash: “You want the address?”

2:32 Diane: “Yes, Mr. Getzov’s.”

2:33 Tarbash: “Then you must speak to Mr. Scott.”

2:33 Diane: “No, you did this to me before with Scott.”

2:39 Tarbash: “What did I do? Who do you… who am I?”

2:41 Diane: “[Inaudible 02:41].”

2:42 Tarbash: “This is not my house.”

2:43 Diane: “Give me the number [Inaudible 02:44]…”

2:44 Tarbash: “This is not my house.”  

2:45 Diane: “ [Inaudible 02:45].”

2:47 Tarbash: “You want to speak to the other fellow?”

2:48 Diane: “Put him on now!”

2:49 Tarbash: “Then you must speak to…”

2:49 Diane: “Put him on now!”

2:50 Tarbash: “…Mr. Scott.”

2:51 Diane: “I don’t want to speak to Scott.”

2:52 Background noise

2:54 Tarbash: “He’s…”

2:54 Diane: “What’s that noise?”

2:55 Tarbash: “Now you’re getting everyone angry.”

2:57 Diane: “How many people are over there?”

2:59 Tarbash: “We’re doing lot of work. There’s big wedding taking place. I’m hired to make a…”

3:05 Diane: “The wedding isn’t taking place yet because I’m the one who’s supposed to do the flowers, so [Inaudible 03:09] wedding isn’t taking place.”

3:10 Tarbash: “I’m going to give you the phone to this gentleman.”

3:14 Jack: “Hello.”

3:15 Diane: “Is this Jack?”

3:16 Jack: “Hi. How are you?”

3:17 Diane: “It’s Diane.”

3:18 Jack: “Hi!”

3:19 Diane: “Listen…”

3:19 Jack: “Yes.”

3:19 Diane: “I’m going to have this messengered over to you.”

3:21 Jack: “Okay, great!”

3:22 Diane: “Could you please give it to [Inaudible 03:23].”

3:24 Jack: “Absolutely, yes!”

3:25 Diane: “Give me the address. I’m having it messengered.”

3:27 Jack: “Okay.”

3:27 Diane: “I don’t care anymore [Inaudible 03:28] because it’s been sitting here since Friday.”

3:31 Jack: “Ohh!”

3:31 Diane: “So it’s gone to waste anyways as far as I’m concerned and I have my other people to deal with.”

3:36 Jack: “Okay, so you want the address?”

3:38 Diane: “Can you bring that over please, the floral arrangements?”

3:41 Jack: “Yes. Okay, I’ll give you the address one… hello!”

3:43 Diane: “Yeah and I know it’s that [Inaudible 03:45]… yeah, give me the address.”

3:47 Jack: “Hello. Yes, hold on. I’ll give you the address. One minute.”

3:50 Tarbash: “Hello.”

3:52 Diane: “Yeah, I… are you giving me the address?”

3:54 Tarbash: “This is me again.”

3:55 Diane: “Yes, I know it’s you. It’s me again! I know [Inaudible 03:58]…”

3:58 Tarbash: “Ma’am, this is the man that doesn’t speak English.”

4:00 Diane: “…Jack says…”

4:01 Tarbash: “…that speaking English to you.”

4:02 Diane: “Put Jack back on the phone.”

4:03 Tarbash: “Oh, do you want to speak to Jack?”

4:04 Diane: “Would you have the address? I thought you were the superintendent of the building [Inaudible 04:07]…”

4:07 Tarbash: “You want to speak to Jack?”

4:08 Diane: “…and you don’t know how to speak English, but at least you might [Inaudible 04:10]…”

4:10 Tarbash: “I know how to speak English. Do you… do you know the word iconoclast please?”

4:14 Diane: “If you know how to speak English, then give me the address of the building that you work in.”

4:17 Tarbash: “You want to… you want to know the address?”

4:19 Diane: “Yeah, I want to know the address very clearly [Inaudible 04:21] you understand good, don’t you?”

4:24 Tarbash: “Then you must speak to Mr. Scott.”

4:26 Diane: “No Mr. Scott!”

4:29 Jack: “Hello.”

4:30 Diane: “Yeah. Jack, give me the address please.”

4:31 Jack: “Hi! Okay, yes. Umm, Mr. Tarbash will give you the address. Hold on.”

4:36 Diane: “Who is Tarbash? Who are the people there? I… wait, it’ almost 2 o’clock now, so Mr. Getzov must be there already.”

4:41 Jack: “He’s going… he should be in momentarily.”

4:44 Diane: “Listen to me.”

4:44 Jack: “Yes.”

4:45 Diane: “Get it very, very clear.”

4:46 Jack: “Okay. Mr. Tarbash will…”

4:47 Diane: “I want either the number of the fiancée or the address there because I’m gonna have the centerpiece sent over to you.”

4:53 Jack: “Okay. Well, we’ll give you the address right here. Mr. … Mr. … hello?”

4:57 Voice in the background not clear

5:00 Jack:”Hello.”

5:01 Diane: “Hello.”

5:01 Jack: “Yes, Mr. Tarbash will give you the address. Hold on.”

5:04 Diane: “Jack, you said you had the address.”

5:06 Tarbash: “Hello.”

5:07 Diane: “Are you the superintendent?”

5:10 Tarbash: “No, I’m the person that doesn’t speak English.”

5:12 Diane; “Oh, that’s very funny. Oh, you’re very funny now, aren’t you? You’re cute. You’re cuter than…”

5:16 Tarbash: “You think I’m cute?”

5:17 Diane: “…you were on Friday.”

5:18 Tarbash: “You know I have… I am very cute.”

5:20 Diane: “But you’re cuter today you know that.

5:22 Tarbash: “I am…”

5:23 Diane: “You’re giving me more trouble today than you did on Friday.”

5:25 Tarbash: “…very cute.” You know…”

5:26 Diane: “You’re more trouble today.”

5:27 Tarbash: “You know you ever get that feeling when… when you come out of the bathtub and your skin is nice and open? I feel very open, very much open.”

5:37 Diane: “I’ll tell you what’s open. It’s your ass! I’m very angry!!!!”

5:39 Tarbash: “Fine. That is open too. When I…”

5:42 Diane: “Give me the address or give me…”

5:44 Tarbash: “…I…”

5:44 Diane: “…the fiancée’s number if not [Inaudible 05:45]…”

5:46 Tarbash: “My fiancée number?”

5:47 Diane: “What time is it?”

5:48 Tarbash: “My fiancée is…”

5:48 Diane: “Do you know how to tell time?”

5:50 Tarbash: “I can…”

5:50 Diane: “Do you know how to tell time?”

5:51 Tarbash: “I can tell… I can tell the time.”

5:54 Diane: “I’m calling you back.”

5:55 Tarbash: “You calling me back?”

5:56 Laughter and background noise

5:58 Jack: “Hello.”

6:01 Dial tone in the background

6:05 Phone number being dialed