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You Wanna Scrap?

The Jerky Boys, Stop Staring at Me!

Title: You Wanna Scrap?

Characters: Frank Rizzo

Summary:

In this comedic skit, Frank calls a number he found in the yellow pages under “scrap” but faces a series of misunderstandings. He believes he’s speaking to someone related to a Howard Stern show, accusing them of threatening to beat him up on air. The person on the other end is confused and denies any knowledge, leading to a hilarious exchange where Frank persists, insisting they know Stern and even makes colorful threats. As the conversation progresses, it becomes increasingly clear that Frank has dialed the wrong number, frustrating the person receiving the call, who eventually hangs up on him, leaving Frank somewhat apologetic for his language but still oblivious to the mistaken identity. The skit is a comedy of errors, showcasing miscommunication and mistaken assumptions, resulting in a humorous and absurd conversation.

Transcript:

 

0:00:   Phone rings.

0:07 Voice 1: “Hello.”

0:08 Frank: “Hello.”

0:09 Voice 1: “Yes.”

0:10 Frank: “I can’t hear you. Can you speak up?”

0:11 Voice 1: “Yes.”

0:12 Frank: “Hello”

0:13 Voice 1: “Yes.”

0:14 Frank: “I’m not getting you too clear.”

0:15 Voice 1: “What?”

0:16 Frank: “How’s that phone connection over there?”

0:19 Voice 1: “The answering machine is on.”

0:20 Frank: “Can you shut it off?”

0:21 Voice 1: “Who is this?”

0:22 Frank: “This is Frank. I was going through the yellow pages. I saw scrap.”

0:26 Voice 2: “Yes.”

0:26 Frank: “And what’s the problem? You got beef with me or somethin?”

0:29 Voice 1: “No.”

0:30 Frank: “Well, it says scrap in the paper. You know what I’m saying?”

0:35 Voice 1: “Wait. What are you speaking about?”

0:37 Frank: “This is Frank.”

0:39 Voice 1: “Frank who?

0:40 Frank: “Frank Rizzo.”

0:41 Voice 1: “Yes.”

0:42 Frank: “Yeah. I’m reading through the yellow pages and your ad says scrap.”

0:45 Voice 1: “Aha.”

0:46 Frank: “What’s that all about? I never did nothin’ to you.”

0:50 Voice 1: “I’m trying to figure out what are you talkin’ about.”

0:53 Frank: “You see? You see the way came up with the [Inaudible 00:55] like that? Your ad reflects the same thing. The way you just answered me like that.”

1:00 Voice1: “What are you speaking of?”

1:01 Frank: “I never did nothing wrong to you.”

1:04 Voice 1: “Wait, wait, wait…I don’t even know what you speakin’ of mister.”

1:06 Frank: “Well, you know, that’s not right. You put the ad in the paper there. It says scrap. What kind of crap is that?”

1:13 Voice 1: “What as are you speaking about?”

1:15 Frank: “Is the boss there?”

1:16 Voice 1: “No, he’s not here”

1:17 Frank: “Because I don’t think you know you want to scrap with me. I don’t even know you. I don’t have no beef with you.”

1:21 Voice 1: “Listen, I don’t know who you are.”

1:23 Frank: “That’s what I’m saying.”

1:24 Voice 1: “I don’t know who you are.”

1:25 Frank: “Now you come up with the mouth there like… I heard your friend was telling me you were going to kick my ass on the Howard Stern’s show. I don’t even know you.”

1:33 Voice 1: “Who are you speaking to?”

1:34 Frank: “So you’re going to take me out on the Stern show in the middle of Times Square and beat my ass all over the street. I don’t even know you.”

1:40 Voice 1: “Listen, who are you speaking to? Do you know who you’re speaking to?”

1:43 Frank: “Sterns. This is Sterns Plastic?”

1:45 Voice 1: “Wait a minute. I’m not Stern.”

1:47 Frank: “Oh, you’re not Stern.”

1:48 Voice 1: “No. You got the wrong person and don’t come out of your mouth with an attitude like this with me.”

1:53 Frank: “Oh, so you know the guy Stern. I’m gonna take a pipe to that son of a bitch. I’m going to do that.”

1:57 Voice 1: “You don’t know who you speaking about mister.”

1:59 Frank: “You know Stern?”

2:00 Voice 1: “You don’t know who speaking about. You come talk about kickin’ some ass and this and that. I’m not about this.”

2:06 Frank: “Alright. Listen, you got to see the size of the ass on me. My ass looks like an old fuckin’ barrel.”

2:13 Voice 1: “I don’t know what you talkin’ about.”

2:14 Frank: “You know that guy Howard Stern on the radio?”

2:16 Voice 1: “It’s got nothing to do with me.”

2:17 Frank: “Well, that’s what I’m saying. He’s a wise ass punk and I’m going to wind up punching him in the fucking mouth.”

2:21 Voice 1: “Who are you?”

2:23 Frank: “I’m Frank.”

2:24 Voice 1: “Frank who?

2:25 Frank: “Frank Rizzo.”

2:27 Voice 1: “You’re calling [Inaudible 00:28]”

2:29 Frank: “That’s…Well, I can’t get through to him so I figured I’d call you and I fuckin’ run some threats by you.”

2:33 Voice 1: “Mister, watch your language because you don’t know who you’re speakin’ to.”

2:38 Frank: “You know I swing down that rug there. I got those big fat ass tits on me, they get me angry sometimes.”

2:44 Voice 1: “I don’t know what you’re speaking of, mister.”

2:45 Frank; “I look like a big fat fuck you know?”

2:47 Voice 1: “You don’t watch your language. Very bad!”

2:50 Frank: “I’m very sorry about that so I’m very fuckin’ apologetic.”

2:54 Voice 1: “Because I’m not speaking this type of language with you.”

2:55 Voice 1 hangs up the phone.

2:56 Frank: “Alright sir!”

Call ends.