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Terrorist Pizza

The Jerky Boys, album 2

Title: Terrorist Pizza

Characters:

Summary:

The skit portrays a frantic and escalating conversation between two voices, presumably a customer and a pizza place representative. Voice 2, a furious and distressed customer, accuses the pizza place of delivering contaminated food that made their family sick. They express extreme anger, threatening legal action and even violence, demanding compensation for the illness caused by the allegedly tainted pizza. Voice 1, the representative, attempts to calm the situation, offering a coupon as a gesture of goodwill and suggesting contacting the main office for further assistance. However, Voice 2 remains irate, dismissing the coupon and continuing to express fury and threats towards the representative. Despite Voice 1’s attempts to assist and seek resolution, Voice 2’s anger intensifies, culminating in aggressive language and a refusal to engage in any further discussion.

The skit effectively portrays the escalating frustration and anger of a customer dissatisfied with a product, highlighting the challenges faced by customer service representatives in handling such extreme situations. The customer’s escalating threats and the representative’s persistent attempts at resolution create a tense and dramatic exchange, showcasing the difficulties in managing customer complaints and attempting to pacify highly agitated individuals.

Transcript:

0:01 Voice 1: “(Inaudible 00:01).”

0:02 Voice 2: “Yes. Well, yeah.”

0:04 Voice 1: “OK. (Inaudible 00:04). What happened? You know, a couple of kids threw up.”

0:08 Voice 2: “What the – I get the fuckin’ pizza pie two hours later. My kid, my daughter, my wife, we all start throwin’ up everywhere. What kind of pizza are you tryin’ to sell?”

0:18 Voice 1: “(Inaudible 00:19).”

0:19 Voice 2: “The first time I ordered the thing, it’s making us throw up.”

0:23 Voice 1: “Well, (inaudible). Let me just grab this out of the oven. I’ll write down your name and number.”

0:28 Voice 2: “Hey, I will take you to court. What kind of pizza place is this? You came late for one and then you don’t give me a rebate and then we throw up.”

0:37 Voice 1: “Sir, I will write you up off. Send the coupon in the mail.”

0:41 Voice 2: “Coupon?! My daughter is throwing up. I’m going to take you to court. I’m going to take you to court.”

0:47 Voice 1: “Sir, do you want to give me a second. I’ll write this up, please. If you want, I could give you a number you can like call the number yourself if you don’t believe me.”

0:55 Voice 2: “Shut the fuck up! I’m going to kill you! You do not treat me like this. My daughter is sick. My wife is sick. And you are talking about coupons?! What kind of business is this?! I am going to – I am going to bomb that place. What kind of people are you? My friend, this is not good business.”

1:20 Voice 1: “Sir, what can I do to make you – feel happy?”

1:22 Voice 2: “Shut the fuck. I’m going to kill you, motherfucker! My daughter is sick and dying. She is throwing up. My wife is throwing up. I’d kill your fuckin’ place. You do not give me business like this. You hang up on me. Now you give me coupon?! What can I do for you, sir?! Shut the fuck up. Are you all right? My daughter is sick. Get up. (Inaudible 01:54).”

1:56 Voice 1: “Sir, what can I do to make – do you want me to – what do you want me to do? Should I – have you called the main office, sir, and talked to them about the hospital bills?”

2:07 Voice 2: “Shut the fuck up. I kill you. I kill you. You do not treat my people like this. We are dying. We are throwing up. You are talking about the coupon. How do I make you feel better? Look at your fuckin’ food. Maybe you poison everybody. Shut the fuck up.”

2:36 Voice 1: “Is there anything else, sir?”

2:39 Voice 2: “Shut the fuck up!”