Stop That – Tarbash

The Jerky Boys, album 3

Title: Stop That

Characters: Tarbash

Summary: 

Transcript:

0:01 Phone rings…

0:03 Voice 1: “Hey there.”

0:04 Voice 2: “Hello. Yes. How are you? I’m a magician.”

0:07 Voice 1: “Uh-huh.”

0:08 Voice 2: “I want to be in your show. But the thing is where the play is my boss is always bothering me.”

0:14 Man laughs. “I can’t…”

0:15 Voice 2: “I do one magic act. I take all kinds of balloons and children with very dangerous poisonous gas and then they break and be [out of breath].”

0:25 Man laughs.

0:26 Voice 2: “And they all [out of breath].”

0:28 Man laughs.

0:30 Voice 2: “They break in the audience.”

0:31 Voice 1: “Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Is this a joke?”

0:35 Voice 2: “Hello?”

0:36 Voice 1: “Hello.”

0:37 Voice 2: “What I do is I take poisonous gas and put them in balloon and have them float and try to get the strangle hold on the audience.

0:45 Voice 1: “Uh-huh. I’m sure you do.”

0:46 Voice 2: “By threatening to break them if they don’t applaud.”

0:49 Voice 1: “Uh-huh. Uh-huh. But that would be a little bit…”

0:51 Man shouts. “Oh. But what I also do is I take – [ring] – stop that. Stop that. What I also do is I take the girl that is working with me. She has one ballerina dress.”

1:06 Voice 1: “Uh-huh.”

1:07 Voice 2: “And I pull her panty down in front of the crowd to annoy her.”

1:10 Voice 1: “Uh-huh. Uh-huh.”

1:11 Voice 2: “She don’t understand humor when I do that.”

1:15 Voice 1: “I see. I see.”

1:16 Voice 2: “Another thing also I have – [ring] – stop that. Stop that. Another thing, too, is I go into the audience and say if little kid could poke me in the eye as hard as they can.”

1:28 Voice 1: “Uh-huh.”

1:29 Voice 2: “Just to see how much I could take it because I’m a real man.”

1:32 Voice 1: “Oh, I see. I see.”

1:33 Voice 2: “Sometimes, they do it. It hurts a little but I get little kid and push them hard and say, hey, poke me in the eye and they do.”

1:41 Voice 1: “I see. So you should have a comic act.”

1:44 Voice 2: “Stop that. Stop that. Stop that. So another thing, too. I take a sketch pad and I make caricatures of people.”

1:52 Voice 1: “Oh, you do.”

1:53 Voice 2: “Yeah. But I draw them nothing like what they look like.”

1:57 Man laughs.

1:59 Voice 2: “And I take two or three fingers and I jab them up the oldest person anal passage.”

2:04 Voice 1: “I see. I see.”

2:06 Voice 2: “Just for joke, nothing more than that.”

2:08 Voice 1: “Uh-huh. So you…”

2:08 Voice 2: “So do I have the gig?”

2:11 Voice 1: “No. We don’t do that type of humor here.”

2:14 Voice 2: “Oh. But it’s not humor, my friend. This is good.”

2:16 Voice 1: “Serious stuff.”

2:17 Voice 2: “And then I have also blindfold people and have them pierce my nipples.”

2:22 Voice 1: “Right. Right.”

2:23 Voice 2: “And see if they could get close.”

2:25 Voice 1: “Yeah. I’m sorry. But we’re not interested.”

2:27 Voice 2: “Yeah?”

2:28 Voice 1: “Yeah. OK. Thanks for calling.”

2:30 Voice 2: “Stop that.”

2:31 Voice 1: “Thanks for calling.”

2:32 Voice 2: “Stop that.” [Ring] “Stop that.”