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Punitive Damages

The Jerky Boys, album 1

Title: Punitive Damages

Characters: 

Summary:

In the skit, a person who had a recent accident involving a motorbike calls a lawyer seeking advice. The caller admits to reckless behavior—drinking while speeding with a sidecar attached to the bike. The lawyer patiently listens but maintains a professional demeanor. As the caller discusses potential lawsuits and insurance issues, he suddenly suggests suing the lawyer for punitive damages, claiming the lawyer’s lack of assistance caused the accident. Confused, the lawyer tries to understand why he is being implicated and denies any involvement or responsibility. Despite the caller’s insistence on suing multiple parties and a brief emotional outburst, the lawyer firmly concludes that he cannot help, leading to the end of the conversation. The skit humorously highlights the absurdity of blaming others, even someone unrelated, for personal mishaps, showcasing the lawyer’s confusion and refusal to engage in the baseless accusations.

Transcript:

0:00 Phone rings..

0:01 Voice 1: “Hello, can I help you?”

0:03 Voice 2: “Yes. Uh, uh… I wanted to know if I could speak a bit on an accident that I’ve had?”

0:06 Voice 1: “Yeah, when?”

0:07 Voice 2: “Uh, about two weeks ago.”

0:08 Voice 1: “What type of accident?”

0:09 Voice 2: “It was a motorbike.”

0:11 Voice 1: “Who was on the bike, you?”

0:12 Voice 2: “Well, just me, right.”

0:13 Voice 1: “What happened?”

0:14 Voice 2: “It… well, I had a sidecar on it… you know those things?”

0:17 Voice 1: “Right.”

0:17 Voice 2: “And I was speedin’ all over my neighborhood…’

0:19 Voice 1: “Right.”

0:19 Voice 2:”…up and down and speedin’ all over…”

0:22 Voice 1: “Right.”

0:22: Voice 2: “…and I was drinkin’ and I lost control of the bike…”

0:24 Voice 1: “Right.”

0:25 Voice 2: “…and I was skidded off and slammed a kerb and a pole and into some people…”

0:29 Voice 1: “Right.”

0:29 Voice 2: “…and yeah, well… you know, nobody is hurt extremely bad, but a few breaks and things.”

0:35 Voice 1: “So, what are you looking to do?”

0:36 Voice 2: “I… I wanna look for some consultation what I should do here…”

0:40 Voice 1: “Go on.”

0:40 Voice 2: “…’cos they probably have lawsuits against me.”

0:42 Voice 1: “I would expect so, yeah.”

0:43 Voice 2: “Right, right. I had to give my insurance papers and I didn’t have a license.”

0:47 Voice 1: “Did… did you have insurance?”

0:48 Voice 2: “Yeah, but it was through a friend.”

0:51 Voice 1: “But will you… will… will you be covered?”

0:53 Voice 2: “I don’t know.”

0:54 Voice 1: “Well, that… the… the insurance company will appoint the lawyer for you if you get sued. But when you get sued, you may [Inaudible 01:00] on which policies. When you get sued above your policy, if you have a policy, then you’re going to have to contact a lawyer. ”

1:05 Voice 2: “Right.”

1:05 Voice 1: “I don’t handle cases like that.”

1:07 Voice 2: “Right. But did… is it possible in any way then to sue you people?”

1:10 Voice 1: “Sue who?”

1:11 Voice 2: “You! I’m asking you for help.”

1:12 Voice 1: “Sue who? Me?”

1:13 Voice 2: “Yes.”

1:14 Voice 1: “Why you want to sue me?”

1:15 Voice 2: “Well, I’m trying to explain I had a terrible accident.”

1:17 Voice 1: “What’s that got to do with me?”

1:18 Voice 2: “Well, I’m asking you for help and uh… maybe I could sue for punitive damages that you’re giving me.”

1:23 Voice 1: “That I’m giving you?”

1:24 Voice 2: “Yes.”

1:24 Voice 1: “Me?”

1:25 Voice 2: “Yes.”

1:26 Voice 1: “What did I do to you?”

1:27 Voice 2: “Well, punitive damages here.”

1:29 Voice 1: “I… you… I’m a lawyer.  What did I do to you?”

1:31 Voice 2: “The sidecar smashed into a pole and everything. I’m tryin’ to explain this to you.”

1:35 Voice 1: “[Inaudible 01:35] you want to sue me?”

1:36 Voice 2: “Well, why not?”

1:38 Voice 1: “Me?”

1:39 Voice 2: “Sue everybody.”

1:40 Voice 1: “Sir, I can’t help you.”

1:43 Voice 2: “Hello.”

1:44 Voice 1: “Yes?”

1:45 Voice 2: “The people that you work with and handle, I probably will sue them too because I’m not getting…”

1:50 Voice 1: “Who do I handle? Who do I… I don’t know what you’re talking about?”

1:51 Voice 2: “Well, I had a terrible accident sir.”

1:54 Voice 1: “You know, I know my clients.”

1:56 Voice 2: “I’m sorry. I’ve just… I’m all upset about this. I’m sorry. You can’t help me then?”

2:01 Voice 1: “No.”

2:02 Voice 2: “I’m sorry.”

2:02 Voice 1: “Okay.