Mining For Scotty – Frank Rizzo
The Jerky Boys, album 4
Title: Mining For Scotty
Characters: Frank Rizzo
Summary: Frank Rizzo makes a deal with a Japanese mining company to harvest “dilithium crystals”.
Transcript:
0:01 Phone rings
0:02 Frank Rizzo: “Yeah, mining company?”
0:03 Mining Company Man: “Yes.”
0:04 Frank Rizzo: “You do any mining?”
0:05 Mining Company Man: “Yes.”
0:06 Frank Rizzo: “Yeah I wanna dig underneath Manhattan, yeah underneath my building.”
0:11 Mining Company Man: “Oh, so could you…”
0:13 Frank Rizzo: “Yeah, that’s right. That’s correct.”
0:15 Mining Company Man: “Oh…”
0:16 Frank Rizzo: “Yeah.”
0:17 Mining Company Man: “Could you send the ahh… fax… ahh.”
0:23 Frank Rizzo: “Well do you know what I’m lookin’ for?”
0:24 Mining Company Man: “Hm?”
0:25 Frank Rizzo: “Dilithium crystals.”
0:27 Mining Company Man: “Yeah…”
0:29 Frank Rizzo: “Yeah. You ever mine that before?”
0:31 Mining Company Man: “Uhh no in- in the United States.”
0:34 Frank Rizzo: “Not in the United States, huh?”
0:35 Mining Company Man: “Yeah.”
0:36 Frank Rizzo: “I see. Well they have that in Japan?”
0:38 Mining Company Man: “Yes, Japan.”
0:40 Frank Rizzo: “Oh, so you guys are big with the dilithium crystals?”
0:42 Mining Company Man: “Um hm.”
0:43 Frank Rizzo: “So then you must’ve met Captain Kirk.”
0:45 Mining Company Man: “Yes.”
0:46 Frank Rizzo: “Yeah, I would imagine so. Yeah, you know Scotty installs all that stuff.”
0:50 Mining Company Man: “Um hm.”
0:51 Frank Rizzo: “You know?”
0:52 Mining Company Man: “Yeah.”
0:53 Frank Rizzo: “He’s pretty, he’s pretty good at it. You know?”
0:56 Mining Company Man: “Please send ahhh the fax you mentioned.”
1:02 Frank Rizzo: “You want me to send a guy over?”
1:04 Mining Company Man: “Uh huh.”
1:05 Frank Rizzo: “Yeah that wouldn’t be a problem.”
1:06 Mining Company Man: “Yeah. Uh could you send me ah fa-”
1:09 Frank Rizzo: “I’ll send you whatever you want. What do you want a dozen roses or something?”
1:11 Mining Company Man: “Um hm.”
1:12 Frank Rizzo: “What are yah lookin for? Anything you want you got it.”
1:15 *weird sound and a popping noise*
1:17 Frank Rizzo: “Oop. Hello? Hello?”
1:19 Mining Company Man: “Hello.”
1:20 Frank Rizzo: “Wh-what happened?”
1:21 Mining Company Man: “What happened?”
1:23 Frank Rizzo: “Yeah, you okay?”
1:24 Mining Company Man: “Yeah.”
1:25 Frank Rizzo: “Ok.”
1:25 Mining Company Man: “Yeah.”
1:26 Frank Rizzo: “Yeah. You feel like flying.”
1:29 Mining Company Man: “Mmmm no ah faster. Ah noo ah… I like to know ahhh your idea.”
1:37 Frank Rizzo: “Yeah my ideas are pretty, ah pretty strange. You ever do warp two?”
1:41 Mining Company Man: “Mhm.”
1:42 Frank Rizzo: “Oh you did? Then this wouldn’t be anything new for you. You know? So what I’m saying is old hat. You’ve already done it.”
1:48 Mining Company Man: “If you have a concrete idea please send me a tele-fax.”
1:54 Frank Rizzo: “Nah I think the Italians got that covered. You know?”
1:57 Mining Company Man: “Hm?”
1:58 Frank Rizzo: “Yeah. That’s not my, yah know gig. You know what I mean?”
2:01 Mining Company Man: “Uh huh.”
2:02 Frank Rizzo: “Yeah well that’s for, that’s for the Italians. They got that all covered up there. You see?”
2:07 Mining Company Man: “Yeah.”
2:08 Frank Rizzo: “Like you know, what I’m sayin?”
2:09 Mining Company Man: “Hm.”
2:10 Frank Rizzo: “Yeah, we’ll get together and have some sushi.”
2:12 Mining Company Man: *laughter*
2:13 Frank Rizzo: “Nice right?”
2:14 Mining Company Man: “Yeah.”
2:15 Frank Rizzo: “Yeah real nice with the little- finger food there they call it, right?”
2:19 Mining Company Man: “Yeah haha.”
2:20 Frank Rizzo: “So what do you say we mine together? You know we get all sweaty, nice down there in the tunnels.”
2:24 Mining Company Man: “Um hm.”
2:25 Frank Rizzo: “You know we dig out the dilithium and we get all sweaty and we get- we look like tough guys.”
2:30 Mining Company Man: “Yeah.”
2:31 Frank Rizzo: “Ehhh? We wear those little helmets, little pair of shorts.”
2:34 Mining Company Man: “Mmmm for the time being.”
2:35 Frank Rizzo: “Ok we will wear them for the time being and then when we get down there and it gets a little cool we’ll throw some heavy slacks on. Alright?”
2:41 Mining Company Man: “Yes.”
2:42 Frank Rizzo: “Alright there, ok nutty. Look I gotta run, I gotta run now but we’ll get together and do some mining, ok.”
2:48 Mining Company Man: “Yeah.”
2:49 Frank Rizzo: “Ok? I love you buddy see you later.”
2:52 Mining Company Man: “Yeah.”