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What if the Jerky Boys were woke

“What if The Jerky Boys Were Woke” envisions a comedic twist on the classic prank call duo, The Jerky Boys, known for their irreverent humor and edgy pranks. In this hypothetical scenario, the duo undergoes a transformation where they become socially conscious and aware of issues such as social justice, equality, and inclusivity. Instead of making prank calls that target individuals or groups based on stereotypes or prejudices, they use their platform to challenge societal norms and highlight absurdities in systemic inequalities. While maintaining their signature humor and wit, The Jerky Boys now navigate the modern landscape with a woke perspective, delivering their comedy with a purpose beyond mere entertainment. This concept offers a playful exploration of how comedy can evolve to reflect contemporary values and address important social issues.

A little Emergency – the woke version

Title: “An Inclusive Urgency”

[Scene: A bustling city street. Our protagonist, Alex, sits calmly on a bench, wearing a “Pronouns: They/Them” pin on their jacket. Their phone rings, and they answer.]

Alex: Hello?

Caller: Hey, is this Alex?

Alex: Yes, speaking. How can I assist you today?

Caller: Hi, um, I’m in a bit of a situation here. My car broke down, and I need some help.

Alex: Of course, I’ll do my best to assist you. Are you safe? Do you need any immediate medical attention?

Caller: No, no, I’m fine. Just stuck on the side of the road.

Alex: I understand. Let’s ensure your safety first. Are you able to move away from any oncoming traffic?

Caller: Yes, I’m off the road already.

Alex: Excellent. Now, let’s explore your options. Have you considered contacting roadside assistance?

Caller: Yeah, I did, but they said it would take a while for someone to get here.

Alex: I see. In the meantime, have you tried reaching out to any nearby friends or family who might be able to offer assistance?

Caller: Actually, I’m new to the area, and I don’t know anyone nearby.

Alex: I understand. Don’t worry; we’ll figure this out together. Can you describe your surroundings? Perhaps there’s a landmark or business nearby that could help us pinpoint your location for assistance.

Caller: Yeah, I’m near a big gas station with a bright sign.

Alex: Perfect. I’ll contact the nearest service station and explain your situation. While we wait for help to arrive, please ensure you’re in a safe location and keep your hazard lights on to alert other drivers.

Caller: Thank you so much. I really appreciate your help.

Alex: It’s no trouble at all. Remember, we’re all in this together, and helping one another is what truly matters. Stay safe, and help will be on its way shortly.

Caller: Thanks again. I’ll do that. Take care.

[They hang up. Alex sits back, visibly relieved, knowing they’ve been able to offer assistance in a caring and inclusive manner.]

Pablo Honey – the woke version

Title: “Pablo Love”

[The scene opens with a phone ringing in a bustling urban environment. A calm, collected voice answers.]

Pablo: Hello, this is Pablo speaking, how may I assist you today?

Caller: Um, hey Pablo, I’m just, like, wondering about your organization. Do you guys, like, promote diversity and inclusivity?

Pablo: Absolutely, my friend. We strive to create a space that celebrates diversity and welcomes everyone, regardless of background or identity.

Caller: Oh, that’s cool. So, um, do you have any job openings? I’m really passionate about social justice and equality.

Pablo: We’re always looking for dedicated individuals who share our values. Can you tell me more about your experience and what drives your passion for social justice?

Caller: Yeah, totally! I’ve been involved in community organizing for years, focusing on marginalized groups and advocating for their rights. I believe in creating a more equitable society for all.

Pablo: That’s commendable. We could definitely use someone with your expertise and commitment. Let’s schedule a time to discuss potential opportunities within our organization.

Caller: Awesome, thank you so much, Pablo! I’m really excited about the possibility of working with you.

Pablo: It’s my pleasure. Remember, together, we can make a difference and build a better world for everyone.

[The scene fades out with a sense of hope and optimism for positive change.]

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Paradise – the woke version

Title: “Inclusive Paradise”

[Scene: A serene garden setting. Two individuals, Alex and Pat, sit on a bench, admiring the surroundings.]

Alex: Hey, Pat, isn’t this place just absolutely divine?

Pat: It sure is, Alex. The tranquility here is truly remarkable.

Alex: You know what? I can’t help but feel like this place could be even more welcoming to everyone.

Pat: What do you mean?

Alex: Well, for starters, the term “paradise” has some exclusionary connotations. I think we should call it something more inclusive, like “Harmony Haven” or “Unity Utopia.”

Pat: Ah, I see where you’re coming from. We should strive for language that doesn’t unintentionally marginalize anyone.

Alex: Exactly! And speaking of inclusivity, I think we should ensure that all beings feel welcome here. That means accommodating various dietary preferences, providing accessibility features for differently-abled individuals, and respecting all cultural practices.

Pat: That’s a fantastic idea, Alex. We should aim to create a space where everyone feels valued and respected.

Alex: And let’s not forget about our environmental impact. We need to prioritize sustainability and conservation efforts to preserve this beautiful ecosystem for generations to come.

Pat: Absolutely. We have a responsibility to be stewards of the environment and protect the natural beauty of this place.

Alex: I’m glad we’re on the same page, Pat. Together, we can make Harmony Haven a truly inclusive and sustainable paradise for all.

[They smile and continue to enjoy the serene atmosphere, committed to their vision of a more inclusive world.]

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The Hot Mops – the woke version

Title: “The Eco-Friendly Cleaners”

[Scene: A bustling city street.]

Character 1: (Speaking into a headset) Hey, this is Alex, your eco-friendly cleaner. How can I help you today?

Character 2: Yeah, hi. I need someone to come over and clean my apartment. It’s a bit of a mess.

Character 1: Absolutely! We’ll take care of it. Just to let you know, we use all-natural, eco-friendly cleaning products. No harmful chemicals.

Character 2: Oh, that’s great! I’m all for protecting the environment.

[Cut to the Eco-Friendly Cleaners van pulling up to the apartment building.]

Character 1: (Knocking on the door) Eco-friendly cleaners here!

Character 2: (Opens the door) Welcome! Come on in.

[Inside the apartment, the cleaners set to work using biodegradable sponges, reusable microfiber cloths, and non-toxic cleaning sprays.]

Character 1: We’re here to make your place shine while keeping the planet clean!

Character 2: (Impressed) Wow, I’ve never seen cleaners use such eco-friendly products before. Thank you for being mindful of the environment.

Character 1: It’s our pleasure. We believe in leaving behind a clean space and a healthy planet for future generations.

[As they finish up, the apartment sparkles, and the cleaners bid farewell.]

Character 2: Thanks again for your eco-conscious service. I’ll definitely be recommending you to my friends.

Character 1: Happy to help! Remember, every little choice we make can make a big difference for the planet.

[The cleaners exit the apartment, leaving behind a satisfied customer and a greener, cleaner world.]

[End scene.]

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The Gay Model – the woke version

Title: “The Progressive Model”

[Interior: A busy photography studio. Background noise of cameras clicking and people chatting. We hear a phone ringing, and Johnny, the woke photographer, picks up.]

Johnny: Hello, this is Johnny, spreading love and acceptance through art. How may I assist you today?

Caller: Hi there, I saw your ad for a model. I’m interested.

Johnny: Absolutely, we welcome all identities and expressions here. Tell me about yourself.

Caller: Well, I’m a queer individual, non-binary, and I love to express myself through fashion.

Johnny: That’s wonderful! We celebrate diversity and self-expression in all its forms. Can you tell me more about the kind of shoot you’re interested in?

Caller: I’m envisioning something avant-garde, pushing boundaries and challenging societal norms.

Johnny: Fantastic! We’re all about breaking down barriers and challenging stereotypes. When would you like to schedule your session?

Caller: How about next Saturday?

Johnny: Perfect. I’ll pencil you in. And remember, you’re free to be your authentic self here. We’ll create something truly beautiful together.

Caller: Thank you so much! Looking forward to it.

[They hang up, and Johnny smiles, feeling fulfilled in his mission to create inclusive art.]

[End of skit]

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Bad Ass Message – the woke version

Title: Empowered Assertion

[Scene: A modern, inclusive office setting. An assertive individual, Pat, sits at their desk, taking calls.]

Pat: [Picks up the phone confidently] Hello, you’ve reached the empowered assertion hotline. How may I assist you today in navigating respectful communication?

Caller: Yeah, uh, is this the jerk store?

Pat: Actually, this is a space for fostering constructive dialogue and mutual understanding. How can I support you in addressing your concern?

Caller: Look, I wanna leave a message for Sal Rosenberg.

Pat: Of course, I’m happy to help facilitate that communication. What’s the nature of your message?

Caller: Tell him he’s a piece of–

Pat: [Interrupts calmly] I appreciate your honesty, but let’s strive for constructive communication. Could you articulate your feelings in a more respectful manner?

Caller: [Pauses, slightly confused] Uh, okay. Tell him… he’s being rather inconsiderate.

Pat: Excellent. I’ll ensure your message is delivered with the utmost professionalism. Is there anything else you’d like to add?

Caller: Yeah, tell him he’s a jerk!

Pat: I understand you’re frustrated, but name-calling isn’t conducive to resolving conflicts. How about we focus on expressing your feelings without resorting to derogatory language?

Caller: [Reluctantly] Fine. Just tell him he needs to improve his behavior.

Pat: Thank you for your patience and understanding. Your message will be relayed in a manner that promotes growth and understanding. Is there anything else I can assist you with?

Caller: No, that’s it.

Pat: Thank you for choosing empowered assertion. Have a respectful day.

[End of call]

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Egyptian Magician – the woke version

Title: “Socially Conscious Sorcerer”

[Scene: A bustling urban street. A socially conscious individual named Alex is sitting on a bench, engrossed in their book. Suddenly, a person in a vibrant, ethically sourced costume approaches, a “Social Sorcerer” named Sam.]

Sam: Greetings, friend! I sense your energy is in need of upliftment.

Alex: Um, hello there. Can I help you?

Sam: I am Sam, the Social Sorcerer. I offer conscious solutions to your everyday struggles. May I assist you in any way?

Alex: Well, I wasn’t really looking for any magical assistance, but sure, why not?

Sam: Excellent! What seems to be troubling you?

Alex: Honestly, I’m feeling overwhelmed by the state of the world. There’s so much inequality, injustice, and environmental degradation. It’s disheartening.

Sam: Ah, I understand. Let me channel the energies of compassion and justice to provide you with guidance.

[Sam closes their eyes and raises their hands, focusing on sending positive vibes.]

Sam: (chanting softly) Om, shanti, peace and equity. May the forces of change bring forth unity and sustainability.

Alex: (impressed) Wow, that’s actually quite calming.

Sam: Remember, friend, activism starts within. Engage in mindful consumption, support marginalized communities, and advocate for policies that promote equality and environmental stewardship.

Alex: Thank you, Sam. I’ll definitely keep that in mind.

Sam: It’s my duty as a Social Sorcerer to spread awareness and empower others to create a better world for all beings. If you ever need guidance again, don’t hesitate to reach out.

Alex: I appreciate it. Take care, Sam.

[Sam nods with a warm smile before continuing down the street, spreading their message of social consciousness.]

[End Scene]

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Testing for Jeopardy – the woke version

Title: “Inclusive Jeopardy Audition”

[Scene: A nondescript office setting. A diverse group of individuals, including people of various ethnicities, genders, and abilities, sit nervously in chairs, waiting for their turn.]

[Enter a facilitator, wearing a “diversity and inclusion advocate” badge.]

Facilitator: Hello, everyone! Welcome to the auditions for our socially conscious version of Jeopardy. Today, we’re not just testing knowledge; we’re testing for inclusivity and empathy. Let’s start with you, please state your name and pronouns.

Participant 1: My name is Alex, and my pronouns are they/them.

Facilitator: Thank you, Alex. Now, could you tell us how you plan to promote diversity and equity if chosen for the show?

Participant 1: Absolutely. I believe in amplifying marginalized voices and advocating for representation across all categories. Whether it’s highlighting historical figures from underrepresented communities or addressing systemic injustices in the questions, I aim to make Jeopardy a platform for social change.

Facilitator: Wonderful! Next up, please.

[The auditions continue with each participant expressing their commitment to social justice and inclusivity.]

[Finally, it’s time for the last participant, who enters confidently.]

Participant 7: Hey, y’all! My name’s Jamie, and I’m here to shake up the game with some woke wisdom!

Facilitator: Jamie, could you share how you plan to ensure accessibility for neurodiverse and differently-abled contestants?

Jamie: Absolutely! I’ve been researching ways to make the game more accessible, like providing alternative formats for questions and ensuring that the set is wheelchair-friendly. I’m also passionate about incorporating sign language interpreters for our deaf and hard-of-hearing players.

Facilitator: That’s fantastic, Jamie. We appreciate your dedication to inclusivity.

[The auditions conclude with a sense of optimism and enthusiasm for a more inclusive Jeopardy.]

Facilitator: Thank you all for sharing your visions of a more equitable Jeopardy. We’ll be in touch soon with our decisions. Remember, the game of knowledge is also a game of empathy and understanding. Let’s continue to strive for a better, more inclusive world, one question at a time.

[The participants nod in agreement and exit the room, hopeful for the future of Jeopardy.]

Gay Hairdresser – the woke version

Title: Inclusive Salon Experience

[Scene: Inside a modern, inclusive salon. Soft music plays in the background. A diverse group of clients, including people of various races, genders, sexual orientations, and abilities, are seated in the waiting area. The atmosphere is welcoming and accepting.]

Voice on the Phone: (ringing) “Hello, and thank you for calling our inclusive salon, where everyone is celebrated for who they are. How can we assist you today?”

Caller: “Yeah, hi. I need to make an appointment for a haircut.”

Voice on the Phone: “Of course! We’d be delighted to assist you. Do you have any preferences for a stylist?”

Caller: “Yeah, I heard you have a stylist named Alex. They sound pretty cool.”

Voice on the Phone: “Absolutely! Alex is fantastic. Let me see if they’re available. Can I have your name, please?”

Caller: “It’s John.”

Voice on the Phone: “Thank you, John. And may I ask, do you have any specific requests or concerns about your haircut?”

Caller: “Well, I’m looking for something trendy, but also respectful of different cultural backgrounds.”

Voice on the Phone: “Understood, John. We prioritize cultural sensitivity here. Alex will ensure your hairstyle aligns with your preferences. How does that sound?”

Caller: “That sounds perfect.”

Voice on the Phone: “Great! I have an opening for you with Alex tomorrow at 2 p.m. Will that work for you?”

Caller: “Yeah, that works.”

Voice on the Phone: “Fantastic! We look forward to seeing you tomorrow, John. Have a wonderful day!”

Caller: “You too. Bye.”

[End of Call]

[The scene transitions to John’s appointment the next day. He enters the salon and is greeted warmly by Alex, who is a gender-fluid stylist with a vibrant and inclusive demeanor.]

Alex: “Hey there, John! Welcome to our salon. I’m Alex, and I’m thrilled to be your stylist today. How are you feeling?”

John: “Hey, Alex! I’m doing great, thanks. I’m excited for this haircut.”

Alex: “Awesome! Let’s talk about what you’re envisioning for your hairstyle today. Any specific inspirations or preferences?”

John: “I’m thinking something modern but also respectful of different cultural influences. I trust your expertise in creating something that fits.”

Alex: “Absolutely, John. We’ll craft a look that not only reflects your style but also honors the diversity of our community. Let’s get started.”

[As Alex begins the haircut, they engage John in uplifting conversation, celebrating individuality and inclusivity. The salon buzzes with positive energy, and clients from various backgrounds share stories and experiences, fostering a sense of unity and acceptance.]

[After the haircut is complete, John admires his new look in the mirror, feeling confident and empowered.]

John: “Wow, Alex, you’ve outdone yourself! I love it.”

Alex: “I’m thrilled you’re happy with it, John. Remember, our salon is a safe space where everyone is welcome and celebrated. Come back anytime!”

[John leaves the salon with a smile, feeling grateful for the inclusive experience and looking forward to his next visit.]

[End of Scene]

The Flower Lady – the woke version

Title: “The Sustainable Garden Advocate”

[The scene opens with a bustling city sidewalk. A person, named Alex, approaches a flower stand.]

Alex: [Clears throat] Excuse me, ma’am, do you have a moment to talk about sustainable gardening practices?

Flower Lady: Oh, sure, honey! What can I help you with?

Alex: Well, I’m here to raise awareness about the environmental impact of conventional gardening methods. Did you know that pesticides and chemical fertilizers harm local ecosystems and pollinators like bees?

Flower Lady: [Taken aback] Oh, I never really thought about it that way.

Alex: It’s essential to consider eco-friendly alternatives like composting and natural pest control. By supporting organic and locally grown flowers, we can reduce our carbon footprint and support sustainable agriculture.

Flower Lady: Wow, that’s eye-opening. I’ll definitely look into making some changes to my gardening practices.

Alex: That’s fantastic to hear! Every small change we make can have a significant impact on the planet. Together, we can create a more sustainable future for all beings.

[The Flower Lady nods in agreement, and Alex hands her a pamphlet detailing eco-friendly gardening tips. They exchange smiles before Alex continues on their mission to spread awareness about environmental conservation.]

[End of scene.]

(Note: This rewrite maintains the spirit of the original skit while promoting a more socially conscious message about environmental stewardship.)

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