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The Jerky Boys Album 3

Track List

“Santa’s Delivery – Frank Rizzo” (1:09)
“Lawn Equipment Debate – Sol Rosenberg” (2:18)
“Balloon Rides – Frank Rizzo” (2:07)
“The Dresser – Kissel” (1:11)
“Silly Food – Frank Rizzo” (1:12)
“Sol’s Chainsaw Shock – Sol Rosenberg” (1:13)
“Stop That – Tarbash” (2:35)
“Chainsaw Shock, Pt. 2 – Sol Rosenberg” (2:22)
“Tandem Bicycles – Jack Tor s” (1:39)
“Safety Gates – Frank Rizzo” (3:30)
“Bamm! – Curly G.” (1:29)
“Facelift Without Surgery – Jack Tor s” (1:35)
“Lawnmower Sale – Big Ole’ Bad Ass Bob the Cattle Rustler” (2:46)
“Tarbash’s New Shoes – Tarbash” (1:39)
“Signin’ – Rosine” (2:38)
“No! – Mike Derucki” (:25)
“Sol’s Civil War Memorabilia – Sol Rosenberg” (3:46)
“Civil War Memorabilia, Pt. 2 – Sol Rosenberg” (2:07)
“Bad Tomatoes – Nikos” (1:23)
“Florida, The Tropical State – Jack Tor s” (3:32)
“TV Repair – Kissel/Pico” (2:35)
“1-800-How’s My Driving? – Frank Rizzo” (2:38)
“Bad Ass Massage – Big Ole’ Bad Ass Bob the Cattle Rustler” (2:36)
“Paradise – Jack Tor s” (1:27)
“Body Building – Frank Rizzo” (3:31)
“Kissel Crooner – Kissel” (1:46)
“Angry Camper’s Dad – Frank Rizzo” (1:49)
“Bird Feed – Sol Rosenberg” (3:33)
“New Awnings – Mike Derucki” (3:57)

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Sol’s Chainsaw Shock

Sol’s Chainsaw Shock

00:03 Speaker 1: “Hello? Hello?”

00:05 Sol Rosenberg: “Hello?”

00:06 Speaker 1: “Hello?”

00:07 Sol Rosenberg: “Hello?”

00:08 Speaker 1: “Yes. Hi, I’m calling about your ad.”

00:10 Sol Rosenberg: “Yes.”

00:11 Speaker 1: “I’m interested in the chainsaw.”

00:14 Sol Rosenberg: “Yes.”

00:15 Speaker 1: “Is it still available?”

00:18 Sol Rosenberg: “Let me look and see.”

00:19 Speaker 1: “Thank you.”

00:20 Sol Rosenberg: “Hold on a moment.”

00:31 Speaker 1: “Are you okay?”

00:34 Sol Rosenberg: “Christ!”

00:46 Speaker 1: “Are you okay?”

00:51 Sol Rosenberg: “Hello?”

00:52 Speaker 1: “Hi, are you okay?”

00:53 Sol Rosenberg: “I may have to call you back.”

00:54 Speaker 1: “Okay, I’ll call back.”

00:56 Sol Rosenberg: “I don’t think I can walk no more. Don’t be sore.”

01:00 Speaker 1: “Do you want me to call the police?”

01:01 Sol Rosenberg: “No, don’t be sore at me. Okay?”

01:04 Speaker 1: “Alright.”

01:05 Sol Rosenberg: “Just give me 10 minutes.”

01:06 Speaker 1: “All right, I’ll call you.”

01:07 Sol Rosenberg: “Okay. Thank you.”

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Paradise

The Jerky Boys, album 3

Title: Paradise

Characters: Jack Tors

Summary:

In the presented skit, a comical conversation unfolds between two voices. The interaction revolves around a peculiar inquiry for a “fat muffin man,” causing confusion for Voice 1, who attempts to decipher the odd request. Voice 2 persistently seeks information about muffins, particularly blueberry ones, while making unconventional comments and asking unrelated questions about the well-being of someone referred to as the “big muffin ass bastard.”

Voice 1, seemingly an employee taking a customer’s order, tries to accommodate the request for muffins but faces challenges understanding Voice 2’s erratic comments. As Voice 2 persists with unusual inquiries and inappropriate remarks, Voice 1 attempts to maintain professionalism and offer service, eventually providing an address for a potential visit. However, Voice 2 reacts defensively to an abrupt comment, leading to a breakdown in communication and the abrupt end of the conversation with Voice 1’s polite farewell.

The skit is a humorous portrayal of a confusing and nonsensical exchange, showcasing miscommunication and the absurdity of unexpected inquiries in a customer service scenario.

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Bad Ass Massage

The Jerky Boys, album 3

Title: Bad Ass Massage

Characters: Big Ole’ Bad Ass Bob the Cattle Rustler

Summary:

The skit begins with a phone call to a massage parlor, where a man inquires about getting a massage specifically for his backside due to discomfort from driving a truck all day. He’s rather insistent and uses colorful language to describe the state of his backside, requesting a massage to alleviate the discomfort.

Despite the receptionist’s attempts to offer different types of massages, the caller persists in emphasizing his need for attention to his rear end. He speaks loudly and aggressively, causing confusion and frustration for the staff attending to the call. He repeatedly emphasizes the state of his backside, comparing it to unusual and humorous things like ricotta cheese in a plastic bag or a pillow stepped on by a football team.

The exchange escalates as the caller continues to emphasize the urgency and condition of his backside while the receptionist tries to explain the limitations of their services. Eventually, the receptionist decides to hang up on the caller due to his persistent and disruptive behavior.

Overall, the skit humorously highlights the miscommunication and frustration that arises from the caller’s insistence on an unconventional and specific request for a massage, focusing solely on his backside, while the receptionist tries to navigate the conversation professionally.

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1-800-How’s My Driving

The Jerky Boys, album 3

Title: 1-800-How’s My Driving

Characters: Frank Rizzo

Summary:

In this skit, Frank Rizzo has just experienced a traumatic incident where someone backed over his legs with a vehicle. He calls a customer service line, presumably related to the incident, and begins a conversation with Voice 2. Frank is visibly agitated and frustrated as he recounts the details of the accident.

Frank expresses his dismay at the situation, claiming that his legs are now “shattered” and describing them as looking like “chop meat.” He is particularly irritated by the questions and requests for information from Voice 2, such as his name and number. Frank sarcastically questions the qualifications of the drivers and wonders if they are pulled off the streets or subways.

As the conversation progresses, Frank becomes increasingly agitated and shares his frustration with the difficulty of providing information while he’s lying under the truck with crushed legs. He humorously suggests he could give serial numbers but mocks the idea of identifying the company name. Throughout the dialogue, Frank’s dark humor emerges as he describes the gruesome condition of his legs, including a potential “mad awful stink” emanating from them.

The call takes an unexpected turn when Voice 2 mentions terminating the call, leaving Frank perplexed and frustrated. The skit ends with a suggestion to visit a “1-800 How is my driving?” service.

Overall, the skit satirizes the challenges and absurdities of dealing with customer service in the aftermath of a traumatic event, using dark humor and exaggerated frustration to highlight the difficulties of gathering information in such situations.

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