Balloon Rides – Frank Rizzo

The Jerky Boys, album 3

Title: Balloon Rides

Characters: Frank Rizzo

Summary:

In this humorous skit, Frank Rizzo calls a balloon ride service inquiring about taking a balloon ride. The conversation starts with the caller expressing interest in the experience and seeking information on how to go about it. The representative (Voice 1) explains that they have their own launch ports and balloon facilities.

As the conversation progresses, Frank Rizzo shares a comical anecdote about a previous balloon ride where they were scolded for jumping around in the basket. Voice 1 reassures them that jumping is allowed, as long as the balloon is not damaged. The caller then humorously proposes the idea of bringing things on the balloon to throw down at animals, such as rocks or apples. The representative, unsure about the legality, hesitates, but Frank suggests doing it discreetly.

The conversation takes a more absurd turn when Frank asks if they can bring their own parachute, expressing concerns about the balloons going down frequently. The representative jokes that their balloons are made in America, unlike French balloons that allegedly keep going down.

The skit concludes with Frank stating they’ll call back to see if they can bring their wife along and jokingly mentions wanting to eject her from the balloon. The representative agrees, and the call ends with laughter.

Overall, the skit revolves around the humorous and exaggerated ideas the caller has about balloon rides, turning a simple inquiry into a lighthearted and entertaining conversation about jumping, throwing things from the balloon, and ejecting passengers.

Transcript:

0:01 Phone rings…

0:02 Voice 1: “Hello.”

0:03 Frank Rizzo: “Listen. I want to see if I can get me a couple of them balloon rides.”

0:06 Voice 1: “OK.”

0:07 Frank Rizzo: “Now, where do we go with this? Explain this to me. How do I go about this?”

0:11 Voice 1: “Well, we take off from our – we have our own lights and balloon ports and [Inaudible 00:00:17].

0:17 Frank Rizzo: “Oh, you do, eh?”

0:18 Voice 1: “Yep.”

0:19 Frank Rizzo: “I’m very proud of you. Here’s the problem I got there. The last time I was up in one of these fuckin’ balloons, I’m jumpin’ up and down. The guy is yellin’ at me. He don’t want me jumpin’ up and down. I try to play with the wires and the cables there and he tried to light the burners or some shit. He was complainin’ to me.”

0:33 Voice 1: “Oh, we don’t care what you do.”

0:35 Frank Rizzo: “I can jump around and shit?”

0:37 Voice 1: “Jump up and down…”

0:38 Frank Rizzo: “You just can’t tear the fuckin’ balloon.”

0:39 Voice 1: “You can do anything. You can be a monkey.”

0:42 Frank Rizzo: “Yeah. Right.”

0:43 Voice 1: “But we’ll just tie a little safety cord on ya. In case you’ll fall out.”

0:46 Frank Rizzo: “OK. That fair. We’re in the right direction then.”

0:48 Voice 1: “Uh-huh.”

0:49 Frank Rizzo: “OK. So when, when…”

0:50 Voice 1: “I got a harness for a guy like you.”

0:52 Frank Rizzo: “OK. So where do we fly with this fuckin’ balloon?”

0:56 Voice 1: “Up”

0:57 Frank Rizzo: “Over what city?”

0:58 Voice 1: “Ah. It’s kinda farmland out there.”

1:02 Frank Rizzo: “OK. Great. Listen. I want to ask you a very important question. Can I bring shit up with me to throw down?”

1:06 Voice 1: “Oh. I don’t know.”

1:09 Frank Rizzo: “No, huh? All right. Look. It won’t be people. If we’ll be going to farms and shit, there’ll be cows and horses.”

1:14 Voice 1: “Yeah.”

1:15 Frank Rizzo: “I’ll bring like little rocks or apples up in the thing with me. We fire that shit down at the animals.”

1:19 Voice 1: “Well…”

1:20 Frank Rizzo: “We’ll be high up there, right?”

1:22 Voice 1: “I don’t know. That’s against the law.”

1:25 Frank Rizzo: “Ah. Come on. We can go play places with this.”

1:27 Voice 1: “Well, maybe nobody sees you.”

1:28 Frank Rizzo: “All right. Look. Now I bring my own parachute up there with me?”

1:32 Voice 1: “What? You want to jump out now?”

1:33 Frank Rizzo: “Well, just in case, I heard these fuckin’ things they go down a lot.”

1:36 Voice 1: “Oh.”

1:37 Frank Rizzo: “You know, I don’t want to go get and tangled up in the fuckin’ thing on the way down, you know. We got a problem.”

1:41 Voice 1: “These balloons, our balloons are made in America.”

1:43 Frank Rizzo: “Oh, yeah.”

1:44 Voice 1:”I don’t fly them French balloons.”

1:45 Frank Rizzo: “I don’t blame your nutty ass. Those fuckin’ things are crazy.”

1:48 Voice 1: “Is that French balloons that keep goin’ down on you.”

1:50 Frank Rizzo: “Yeah. Those fuckin’ things are just like the French, difficult. Running away goin’ down, same old shit. All right. Look. I’ll tell you what I do. I’ll call you back on this. I want to see if I can get my wife up there, too.”

2:01 Voice 1: “OK.”

2:02 Frank Rizzo: “I want to fire her ass out of the fuckin’ thing.”

2:03 Man laughs.

2:03 Frank Rizzo: “OK?”

2:04 Voice 1: “OK.”

2:05 Frank Rizzo: “I’ll call you back.”

2:06 Voice 1: “OK”

2:06 Frank Rizzo: “Right.”

2:07 Voice 1: “Bye.”