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A Little Emergency

The Jerky Boys, album 2

Title: A little Emergency

Characters:

Summary:

The skit opens with a phone call to a sports store inquiring about tennis ball firing machines. The caller reveals an odd situation where they rented a tennis machine to shoot boiled potatoes coated in Vaseline at each other for fun. The caller’s friend, Peter, got injured as a result, with a blue-colored injury on his behind. They seek help to fix the machine, stating it fires too hard. The chaos continues as another friend got hit in the eye by a potato while inspecting the machine’s alignment with his rear end. Throughout the conversation, the store clerk responds with short and somewhat disinterested remarks, creating a humorous contrast to the absurdity of the situation. The skit showcases a bizarre and comical scenario where a recreational activity with a tennis ball machine goes awry, resulting in unexpected injuries and the need for urgent repair.

Transcript:

0:01 Phone rings..

0:02 Voice 1: “[Inaudible 00:02] Sports.”

0:03 Voice 2: “Hello.”

0:03 Voice 1: “Hi.”

0:04 Voice 2: “Hi. I have a little problem here.”

0:06 Voice 1: “Okay.”

0:06 Voice 2: “Alright.  Do you guys… do you repair or sell those tennis machines, you know, that fire the balls?”

0:12 Voice 1: “No and no.  We don’t have ’em.”

0:13 Voice 2: “Okay.”

0:14 Voice 1: “We don’t.”  

0:14 Voice 2: “Okay.”

0:14 Voice 1: “I mean…”

0:15 Voice 2: “Alright.  We have a little emergency here.”

0:16 Voice 1: “Okay.”

0:17 Voice 2: “I rented one of these things and what I did was, me and my, you know, Peter and another friend of ours…

0:23 Voice 1: “Right.”

0:24 Voice 2: …and we-we boiled up some potatoes last night and this is fucking crazy, but we were shooting them at each other through the tennis machine.”

0:31 Voice 1: “Yeah.”

0:32 Voice 2: “Oh, it’s… and Peter’s hurt and I mean, we need to fix this machine or something.  What we would do is we would boil the potatoes and put them in Vaseline and fire them at each other and Peter’s really hurt bad.”

0:43 Voice 1: “Yeah?”

0:44 Voice 2: “Yeah.  His ass is blue.”

0:47 Voice 1: “That’s great.”

0:47 Voice 2: “I… you… we need you to come up and fix this machine.  It’s just firing too hard and Michael tried to look when he wasn’t ready.  He was looking to see if it was lined up properly with his ass…

0:56 Voice 1: “Yeah.”

0:57 Voice 2: “…and he turned around and… and a potato blasted him right in the fuckin’ eye.”

1:01 Voice 1: “Hello.”

1:02 Voice 2: “Yeah.”